My life-

Wow, there have been a number of huge changes in the last 2 weeks of my life. I got an email about a week ago from University of St. Andrews, telling me that my program was no longer available due to low applicancy (is that a word?) so I had 2 other options which were NOT anywhere near suitable–thus, it was a bittersweet relief after we decided that I was not going to attend that program. However, there is a similar MBA program that has CSR and Sustainability and Development as a concentration at the University of San Diego…thus, I begin my application process for Sept. 2010. GMAT here I come!!!

There are a number of thoughts that ran through my head. (1) Is this real? I could not believe that this was a true email as my entire life focus has been on Scotland for the last few months. Quit my job, closing up our house and getting it ready to rent–this was quite the push on the brakes in our life. However, it was somewhat of a relief–I don’t know about you, but applying for a visa, getting dog(s) ready to travel overseas, figuring out how my husband was going to run his businesses AND be w/me while staying w/the dogs in the US until they were done w/their 6 month test deal–I don’t know, my head was spinning and I was not looking forward to the first 3 months of life w/o my hubby, dogs, and well yeah.  (2) God, what is it that you have for Ryan and I? Honestly, when I first received my acceptance letter to the University of St. Andrews, I was thrilled, but had this gut-sinking feeling/intuition that something was going to happen that would not permit me to go to Scotland. I spent a few months praying about it…making sure it wasn’t my fears and insecurities that were keeping me from this next step. I was relieved to know that my reason for not going was not that a loved one got sick or a tragedy–God obviously had other plans for us and we are thankful that He orchestrates our steps daily.

So, it’s off to Palm Desert, CA–where the sun shines and is hot ALWAYS!!! =) we are excited for the move–I am anxious to get out of WA for a number of reasons…Ryan and I need some time to establish ourselves as individuals outside of CCHS, CC, etc. (to name a few)–we are anxious to try our hand at life and business and see how things go. God has definitely affirmed our move in a variety of ways. He’s provided business opportunities; new relationships/mentorships, as well as spiritual/church community to be involved in. Life has become clearer everyday and we are looking forward to the changes. I am thankful for my experiences in WA, but am looking forward to a change.

I know, the big question for most of our close friends and family members–How (and more importantly, WHEN) will kids fit into the picture? Honestly, we are not sure. If Ryan gets into Harvard business school, then we’ll move over there (no questions asked)–if not, we’ll start life in CA–as for timing, we aren’t sure, but it will be right for us and that’s all that matters =)  I don’t have any regrets, I look forward to the future: travelling, adventures, love, laughter, and life-

“California here we come, right back where we started from”

Ok, so this isn’t really the theme song of my life, but since we are in CA right now, it sort of fits =) It’s been a crazy last few days. Got to CA late Wednesday night (4/29) and got to bed around 2AM–got up the next morning, in-laws went to Disneyland while hubby and I went to find a grocery store and relax by the pool…turning right, and got slammed into by a Scion–I got hit in the head by a rollbar while on the phone w/my brother who’s graduation was in a few days (Go Waves! Pepperdine University)–We were both ok, rental car and insurance went pretty smooth. I saw the doctor, got some pain meds and by 5pm we were finally at the pool where we had tried to be all day =) the next few days were full of family (and all the fun, annoying, exciting memories that go along w/time spent with family)  –brother graduated, we went to eat (a few times a day) to celebrate =) during one of the celebration services, we even experienced a small earthquake–so all in all, we have had a great CA experience–on so many different levels! We are now hanging w/our lifelong friends (well, they are pretty much family) the Jewell-Essenburgs–and been relaxing in the pool–it’s been a great time! Good conversations, good business, good times!

At home, missing my amazingly cute and spunky little Bentley man–I’ve never loved an animal so much…even some of my horses! He trully is a sweetheart. Macy is doing well, miss her like crazy too! Our biggest dilemma right now is Scotland…perhaps we/I wouldn’t feel so stressed or nervous about it if our home was rented, papers were signed, etc. and our dogs were ready to go, and visa’s were in hand–for some reason, these tasks seem monstrous and crazy impossible, however, I know it is all a mind issue. It’s like when I run 5 miles, when I get to the gym, I just settle into my mind and pace that I’m not getting off until I run 5 miles–it’s all mental–my body can handle it, it’s all mental…guess the same goes for here as well.  We have a few projects to finish up at home, fixing our closet, putting in new light fixtures–all these tasks that would be so much easier if we didn’t LIVE there and if we had MORE SUNSHINE!! I hear it’s windy, rainy and well, typical WA weather =)

God is teaching me a lot…in the last month or so, I’ve quit my job (YAY!!!), taken a break from riding, and started closing up shop at our house. It’s been crazy and now I’m getting anxious to finish this blog–

 

Peace-

Bentley!

I just got my first ever Jack Russell name BENTLEY! He’ s trully the best dog ever. I’ve never really been one of those people who is crazy in love w/their dogs, but he stole my heart from the beginning…let’s just say, he had me at hello =) See my Facebook for more pics!

Song of my life at this moment

Hillsong’s LEAD ME TO THE CROSS (Brooke Frasier)

I feel like, with everything that has happened, this HAS to be the song of my heart right now…even when I don’t feel it, I have to have faith and know it.  I don’t always understand and I know this will not be the last time, but I know what and WHO I have to focus on.

Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
You are
Te word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you’re risen

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart

Battlefield of the Mind–Joyce Meyers

Chapter 5 (Notes)

-Some people have been hurt so much that they avoid believing for the best or hoping for the good. However this produces a negative lifestyle (Proverbs 23:7–As a man thinks in his heart, so is he).

-After she (Joyce) really began studying the Word and to trust God to restore her, one of the things she realized was that the negativism had to go.

*Trust God

*Study the Word

*Allow Him to restore you

Matt. 8:13 (NIV)-Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! It will be done just as you have believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that very hour.”

-Per JM; Jesus says that it will be done for us as we have believed…however, we can’t just get what we want by thinking about it; God has a perfect plan for us and we can’t control Him by our thoughts and words. But we must think and speak in agreement with His will and plans for us.

-Got to know, study and trust the Word of God.

-Have to practice being positive in every situation that arises. “Even if whatever is taking place in your life at hte moment is not so good, expect God to bring good out of it, as He has promised in His Word. Romans 8:28

PRACTICE:

Work: is difficult and frustrating

2 Choices: (1) be bitter, cynical and frustrated about EVERY detail and how people treat me at work or (2) realized that God has a plan for my life and I am in the midst of learning valuable lessons that I will ALWAYS have. There is opportunity in this “dark” time in our economy and in my work place.  These lessons are just the beginning:

*Lesson 1: learning how to stay strong and keep the vision clear in  the midst of adversity

*Lesson 2: learning how to lead and stand, even when I’m standing alone–understand that even though I FEEL alone, God is still w/me–His presence never leaves me. His peace is deeper and greater than anything this world can give.

*Lesson 3: Research and develop new strategies and solutions for when the market/work does pick up b/c it will and we need to have systems in place and running.

*Lesson 4: Trust God–understand that it is not ALL on my shoulder’s and that people are foolish to think that our company’s success is directly affected by ONE person.

*Lesson5: Ambitions–what do I really enjoy doing? I really enjoy doing business; I would like to become a “King” or queen rather in the Kingdom–I want to be able to provide large amounts of financial assistance to non-profit and christian organizations–I want to pay they way and set the stage for God’s Kingdom here on earth.

*Lesson 6: I can’t do anything on my own–it’s through God that all things are.  God, I give you my mind, my heart…every aspect of my life.

Romans 12:16 (New International Version)

16″Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.^[a] Do not be conceited.”

-(pg. 47) “The idea is that we must learn to become the kind of person who plans things but who doesn’t fall apart if that plan doesn’t work out”

-In other words, be resilient  and adjust to the situation–respond in a positive light.

-2 Cor. 5:17 “Therefore if any person is in Christ he is a new creation the old has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!”  REJOICE! IT’S A NEW DAY!

-The Holy Spirit: John 16:7-8–understand and face the truth,”I’m a negative person(pg.49) and I want to change. I can’t change myself, but I believe God will change me as I trust Him. I know it will take time, and I’m not going to get discouraged with myself. God has begun a good work in me, and He is well able to bring it to full completion (Phil. 1:6).

-We need to ask the Counselor to guide us and convict us. WE can’t rely on ourselves, we must lean on Him and trust that God can and will help you.

-Acts 17:11 Bible says we’re to have a READY MIND; our minds should be open to the will of God for us, whatever that may be.

-It’s about BALANCE; facing the facts and having a ready mind–still being positive and understanding and trusting God–believing that everything will work out for the best.  Being negative and being ready are 2 different things. Being negative says, “my life is over and nothing will ever work out for me” being ready is understanding that things may not go the way that I want them to go, but it’s ok b/c I trust God and I will survive–God is w/me and He will restore me through anything.

-Romans 4:18-20 –We have to realize that even if things don’t grow or flow the way we want, we cannot let that situation control our joy. Abraham didn’t ignore the facts or the situation…(pg 52) “Although all human reason for hope was gone, he hoped in faith.”

-Hebrews 6:19-tells us that hope is the anchor of the soul [We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,]

-Expect to receive (pg. 52)

-Evil Forbodings (Proverbs 15:15) “All th days of the desponding and afflicted are made evil {by anxious thought and forebodings}, but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast {regardless of circumstances}.”

-I Peter 3:10 “For let him who wants to enjoy life and see good days keep his tongue free from evil and his lips from guile.”

Lastly, WHATEVER HAPPENS, TRUST IN THE LORD–AND BE POSITIVE! (pg 54)

“Do You Love Me That Way”

I went to a Christmas Lady’s brunch at my mom’s church. There was a girl named Laura Jordan there and she has been doing work w/YWAM for a few years in Rwanda. She is moving there in a few weeks. This is a song she wrote and sang yesterday morning.

You let her approach you,

You ignored everyone in the room

As she knelt there before you,

And she poured out her gift of perfume.

She gave you her heart, And you healed every part

And I get on my knees and I pray

Do you love me that way? Do you love me that way?

You sat at the well with her,

Unafraid of what people might say

You said she won’t thirst tomorrow

‘Cause you bring living water today

And you knew her sin, Every lie she lived in

And you took every last one away

Do you love me that way? Do you love me that way?

I’m afraid if you see all the sin that’s in me

If you know all that I try to hide

You won’t like what you find, in my heart and my mind

Lord I reach out to you as I pray

Do you love me that way? Do you love me that way?

As I kneel here before you,

So ashamed of my pride and my sin

And you draw me close to you,

As you gently remind me again

That you’ve taken my place, Wiped the tears from my face

And it’s then Lord that I hear you say

That you love me that way, that you love me that way

That you love me that way, that you love me that way

–Words and Music by Laura Jordan (2008 Copywrite)

Notes from City Church YP

City Church
YP-Belltown
P. Judah Smith
TRIUMPH OF GRACE
Before you were ready

-God will not be mocked; u will reap what u sow. (work)

Romans 5:6-8
1 John 4:10

-We need to be assured of God’s love for us. A lot of times we question that. If we acted on the true knowledge (100%) we would live differently. We’d do work differently; we’d do a lot of things differently.

-God has already given us a sign of His unrelenting love: Jesus Christ (and his work is grace). Jesus came to earth to die bc he wanted to demonstrate God’s love for us/His creation.

-We need to live in the certainty that God loves us and He is for us.
-The foundation of our lives and belief is GRACE
-God is just; sin must be judged but that is not the point… The point is that Jesus took on Gods wrath and His wrath has been appeased.
-God is just and holy; God made a way through Christ… We could not have experienced God’s presence unless God would’ve sent his Son.
-mercy triumphs judgement in the heart of God
-peole know that something isn’t right… The emphasis is on the fact that we can be saved, not on the consequences of sin.
-God is very interested in us…Him becoming a man (Jesus) –that should send a clear message.
-Agape: it is divine; an endless emotion and concern for your life! God loved us before we were created! Before the creation of the earth, we were named!
-God is never late!
-Rom. 5:7 Paul is painting a picture of how man reason’s in his head…Paul is contrasting heaven’s agape/grace and the normal thought process of man! God couldn’t wait to put is together– He knew us!
-We were of no use to God; He saved us bc He loves us.
-1 Cor. 1
-Rom. 5:8–> “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this; while we were still sinners , Christ died for us.”
-this is the ultimate sign of God’s love: Jesus
-what leads us to live for Christ is not “u know how u can be better” — God leads us through His grace not by the law–it’s by God’s goodness
-God can lead us by our hearts
-God calls us through His goodness; so now we can live
1 John 2:1
- when u get a revelation of God’s grace, u start to avoid sin– your desires come to line up in how u can serve Him
-LEARN ABOUT GRACE… That’s how he leads.
-Learn how God leads; how can u be more like Christ
-The word LOVE doesn’t do it justice for how God feels about us.
-the more we focus on God and His goodness… The better our lives become. The triumph of grace! His triumph becomes my triumph We start acting better… Put God first!

Stormy Thursday…

I really enjoy the storms around WA–they are incredibly refreshing and soothing.  The color’s of the leaves seem brighter; life feels vibrant and alive. 

This week has been eventful for me personally…I’m dealing w/pressure from all aspects. The economy is putting pressure on our jobs–more work for less people = a recipe for some tension in the work place. Our house seems to be falling apart in EVERY way =) It’s a cozy little home, but I think Ryan and I are ready to move on to bigger and better things. Friendships are fainting, while some are beginning to blossom. Working out is good-it has really changed my life and I am very thankful for the ability to run and move the way I do.

Life is stormy for me right now, but it’s beautiful and I am very thankful to God for having the life that I have and the people that I have in my life. Although it seems stormy and I feel like I’m in a rut, I know the next step is going to unfold.

God, thank you for my life, teach me how I can make a difference and give me the strength to achieve it.

History- 2008

I am still formulating thoughts, but will have something to write soon re: the 2008 Elections. Only 100 years (or less) were African-Americans held in slavery–now, we have witnessed our first African-American President.

What an incredible time in history…Whoever said they couldn’t amount to anything doesn’t have an excuse anymore.

More thoughts to come…

Day To Day…growth

It’s amazing to me how impatient we are as a society to see growth or change in our lives. We get on the treadmill for a week and then expect to see a drastic decrease in our weight…or we have a major life change and we are excited, but once the excitment settles, you’re back into a routine.

For some reason, it seems like our society is always trying to find new ways to get away from the “daily grind”–I admire that ambition in one respect, however, I don’t think we should devalue the day to day work b/c it’s in a few months that you will start to see change and it’s EXCITING!

Too many times we quit before we really get started. We get down about how hard we are working and how we are not seeing or experiencing any results.  I think that is the time where, at least for me, I have to put my head down and just go for it!  It’s like running on a treadmill, if you keep looking at the time, it won’t go by fast enough–but if you forget about the time and just focus on your tasks and keep doing what you know to do, the results will come and they will be quality through and through.

Lately I’ve been able to recognize these low times and I’ve just reminded myself that God is in control, it’s not a MAJOR CRISIS if I’ve somehow gained 5 lbs this week =)  It’s just a rough patch and I have to remember that this too shall pass.  The good times have become more frequent lately–I’ve been absorbing them as much as I can. The rough times are temporary and I know that I am going to get through them.

We often don’t understand the depth of our growth until afterwards…until we step on that scale again–but we shouldn’t be on the scale every 3 days, it should be every month or so. We should have a good sample of our efforts and then we can begin to evaluate our progress.

In Switzerland, I started running and I also began journaling and reading on the train when I would head into the city to see Ryan at the hospital. I didn’t realize how much those 2 things changed me, not only physically, but mentally and spiritually.  However, I didn’t realize the change or notice it until I got home (aka: stepped on the scale)–I couldn’t believe the difference and how much of a fight it was to keep it all going. However, it was worth the work, it was worth the journey and I don’t ever have any regrets.

It’s good to workout, read and journal–getting started seems to be the hardest part. It’s trully one decision that has literally changed my life.  I am glad to be alive and look forward to years of health.

God, thank you for this day and for my health.